You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
