The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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