She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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