I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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