why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
