ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
