So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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