Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
