what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
