Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
