That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
