Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
