dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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