Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
