If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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