I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
