a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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