he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
