Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
