Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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