At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We need to get me chipped asap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
