So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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