Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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