Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have post one night stand depression
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
