community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
