I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
