I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
