while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
