and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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