THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
