I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
