Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
