But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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