oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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