There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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