evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize