You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
