I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Duck Duck Cougar?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
