Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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