Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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