When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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