our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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