At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Randomize
