Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
as a side note pls kill me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
