im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
