Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
even my farts smell like vagina
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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