How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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