clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
