he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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