And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
