I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
