I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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