dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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