This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
