Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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