i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
