I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
