Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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