Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
