he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
