every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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