he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
