ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
