why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
