So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
