I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
