after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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