You're so nebulous sometimes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
