Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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