I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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