i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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