if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Someone shit on the floor
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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